I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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