I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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