Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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