The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
