I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
