I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
