I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
