census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize