discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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