Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
