So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
