Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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