took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
