Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
