come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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