So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
