Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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