Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
