Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
