Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
