The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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