Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize