What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't deserve a penis
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
