I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
