ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
