whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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