And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dignity is for republicans.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
