She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she pinky promised me she was 18
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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