i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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