I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
