she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
