God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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