My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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