Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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