Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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