ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
