It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
