Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
