Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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