She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
