never play flip cup with pint glasses
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize