lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
