I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
