Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
