he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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