you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
