Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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