dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
