dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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