Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
