chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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