I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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