dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
