Can Purell be used as lube?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize