Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
