At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
