I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
