Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
