if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
