That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
