I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
