I've blown a few things in my day
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
