so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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