Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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