If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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