Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
