Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
