Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
