There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Your topless pictures make me question reality
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
