Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
