Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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