i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
