Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize