When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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