i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
