Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
