I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
