love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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