Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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