You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
