I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think my moral compass just broke
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
