You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
