i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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