Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
