We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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