Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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