So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
