After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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