wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
