Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize