You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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