I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
