I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i think im in europe. pls send help
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never joke about your clitoris.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
