What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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