i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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