he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to be your penis for a week.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
