I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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